Often as one ages, personality traits become magnified. An untrusting person can become paranoid and an irritable person can become angry. The target of these behaviours is often the people closest to them.
The aging process sometimes brings about anger as the elderly vent frustration brought about by chronic pain, losing friends, having memory issues, being incontinent and other things that make ageing difficult and frustrating.
Alzheimer’s disease and dementia can also cause these behaviors in which case your aged parent doesn’t have control of their behaviour. Your parent may constantly accuse you of stealing as they cannot locate misplaced items. It is useless to try and reason with them after an article is found.
As a caregiver, the best thing you can do is not take it personally. Focus on the positive, ignore the negative and take a break from care giving and find some respite. Take a short break, go for a walk or do something which gives you pleasure. Try and find someone else who can have a turn of playing carer.
Sometimes, elderly parents turn on the child that is trying so hard to take care of them and the result is abuse. Often the person giving direct care is singled out to be the cause of all their problems and they become the receiver of mental and emotional abuse, even physical abuse. As the world of the aged person becomes narrower and narrower with loss of contact with friends, lack of mobility and sense of purpose so their frustrations and fears grow and they look for someone to blame. They often not only say unkind things, but take every opportunity to tell anyone how terrible you are. It is very hard for the receiver of this abuse not to become angry and humiliated.
Finding respite for oneself may allow your parent to gain an appreciation for all that you do. If this doesn’t work you need to separate the behaviour from the person and call it an illness and appreciate the positive times you can still share
