My mother has always told us she would never go into a nursing home when she grew old as they are worse than death. In her mind it was one nail in the coffin. This was her mantra and it was repeated at every opportunity. The words “nursing home” were spoken with such disgust that an unknowing person would think they was linked to purgatory. She has maintained that with home care she would always maintain her independence!
Until recently my mother was a very active person, playing bridge, tennis, socialising with friends and being part of several charitable committees. She zipped around town in her trusty old car to do her shopping or attend appointments.
One day she decided to stop driving as she said her vision no longer allowed it. Next she stopped playing bridge using vision again as the excuse. Gradually many of her activities fell away and we realised that the eye sight issues were only a fraction of the problems facing her. She became forgetful, paranoid, and lethargic and after some persuasion to see a doctor we established she had the beginnings of Alzheimer’s. She herself realised something was not right but feared the loss of independence which created, frustration, feeling of uselessness and sadness.
She is not an easy patient as she lives in denial and tries to maintain her independence out of fear which leads to much of our time being utilized to unravel her mistakes which she always blames on others.
Other than being blunt and sitting her down to face facts we can only wait for a crisis to occur where she will have no choice but to accept professional in home care as she constantly repeats nursing homes are not for her.
